The Room Doesn't Owe You Anything—How to Command It Anyway
A conversation with world-renowned auctioneer Lydia Fenet about the 7-second calculation and why your outfit matters.
Lydia Fenet walks into a room like she owns it. The legendary Christie’s auctioneer commands an auction block with complete certainty and invisible effort—but she hasn’t always felt this confident. For years, even as she rose through the ranks at one of the world’s most prestigious auction houses in an industry dominated by men, she was still worried about what other people thought about her.
It wasn’t until she left Christie’s after two decades to start her own company that something shifted. The constant anxiety and approval-seeking finally quieted down. She started following her gut instead of second-guessing herself, and it never let her down.
But Fenet’s real breakthrough wasn’t just learning to trust herself; it was understanding that confidence is something you can perform into existence. That being a woman is just as powerful as a man in a room full of bidders. That seven seconds is all you get to make a first impression, so you’d better be intentional about every single thing: the way you dress, the way you speak, the story you tell about yourself. She discovered that you don’t have to be louder than everyone else; you just have to be smarter about how you show up.
Below, Fenet on how to command presence, why your brand isn’t superficial—it’s strategic—and what it really takes to show up as the most powerful version of yourself in any room.
In your book The Most Powerful Woman in the Room Is You, you explore how women can command authority and presence in professional settings. What’s the core difference between genuine confidence and the appearance of confidence?
“Genuine confidence is when you can walk into any room feeling completely at ease without the need for approval from those around you. But the truth is that it takes time and practice to feel that confident. Sometimes you do have to start out by appearing more confident than you are until you feel like you belong. Fake it ‘til you make it! We’ve all been there!”
Your book focuses on selling yourself and your ideas effectively. What’s the most critical lesson you wish you’d learned earlier in your own career?
“I wish I had cared less what other people thought about the decisions I was making. I was still worrying about this over two decades into my career at Christie’s. It wasn’t until I left to start my own company that I felt like I stopped letting the opinions of others affect my decision making. Now, I follow my gut. It hasn’t let me down yet.”
You’ve built a career as an auctioneer in an industry traditionally dominated by men. What specific strategies have helped you stand out and command authority in the auction room?
“By realizing that there is as much power in femininity as masculinity and leaning into that strength. In the South we say, ‘you catch more bees with honey.’ I don’t need to strong arm anyone into bidding. I can do it with a smile and a velvet hammer.”
You advocate for women taking up space and speaking up. What’s the biggest obstacle you see holding women back from doing that?
“I think a lot of it is societal. Many of us are taught from a young age to keep our voice down and to not be ‘too much.’ We need to do the opposite: know that our voice matters and be unafraid to use it as much as possible. My biggest piece of advice is to lean into fear. When you’re in a meeting or conversation where you feel uncomfortable speaking up, do it anyway. In time, you’ll stop fearing being part of the action, and people around you will start seeking your opinion.”
How much of your success depends on how you present yourself—your voice, your posture, your appearance? How intentional are you about that presentation?
“For better or for worse, your appearance, in my opinion, is the most important part of success. It takes people seven seconds to make up their mind about you. Seven seconds. You need to make sure that the way you present yourself, from the way you dress, to the way you speak, to the sales pitch that you use about yourself, reflects who you want to be.”
Fashion and personal style seem integral to how you present yourself professionally. How do you think the way women dress affects how they’re perceived and treated in high-stakes environments like the auction house?
“Clothes are my armour. I’m intentional about everything I wear because I know how I want to be seen by the people looking at me from the audience. For my recent summit, I chose a fuchsia M.M.LaFleur suit. I knew the women attending the event would expect me to be in red and pink, as I’d dressed in pink and red for a year when The Most Powerful Woman in the Room Is You came out. You are your brand. Never forget that.”
What’s one thing you’d tell women right now about showing up as the most powerful version of themselves in their professional lives?
“Decide who you want to be, and who you want to be seen as and show up as that person every day of your professional career. If you’re an intern who wants to be the CEO of a company, dress like the CEO, act like the CEO of every task you manage, and tell people you want to be the CEO. People believe you when you tell them who you are, so be intentional about the language that you use.”
About Lydia Fenet:
Lydia Fenet is a world-renowned auctioneer and founder of the first auctioneering talent agency. After two decades as a Global Managing Director at Christie’s, where she single-handedly raised more than $1 billion for nonprofits as the firm’s lead charity auctioneer, she set out on her own with the goal of reshaping the industry. She’s the author of two bestselling books—The Most Powerful Woman in the Room Is You and Claim Your Confidence—host of the Rockefeller Center-sponsored podcast Claim Your Confidence, and executive producer of the Hulu series SOLD. Lydia is a keynote speaker represented by CAA and a contributing writer for Fast Company. She lives in NYC with her husband and three children.