5 Style Secrets That Might Make You Happier
Best-selling author and happiness expert Gretchen Rubin reveals the wardrobe wisdom she lives by.
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In my latest book, Secrets of Adulthood: Simple Truths for Our Complex Lives, I distilled the lessons I’ve learned (and often re-learned) the hard way into more than 200 aphorisms.
People have asked me, “Why write in aphorisms?”
An aphorism is a concise statement that contains an expansive truth. Unlike the folk wisdom of proverbs—“A stumble may prevent a fall” or “You can’t push a rope”—aphorisms can be attributed to a particular person. Brief and sharp, aphorisms distill big ideas into few words; by saying little, they manage to suggest more. The clarity of their language promotes the clarity of our thinking.
In my book, I organized my Secrets of Adulthood into several big categories, including relationships, decision-making, work, and parenting—but every aspect and stage of life offers its own wisdom.
Recently, my daughter Eleanor and I joined the terrific team at M.M.LaFleur for a chat with a group of enthusiastic readers at their Upper West Side store. We had a very fun discussion about how developing a personal sense of style can be a critical element to feeling like an “adult,” and we all shared the style-centric Secrets of Adulthood we’ve honed along the way.
I often remind myself of some of my favorite aphorists’ thoughts on style:
“Nothing is so dangerous as being too modern. One is apt to grow old-fashioned quite suddenly.”
—Oscar Wilde“It has often been observed that our virtues and our vices, no less than our clothes, our furniture, and our fine arts, are subject to the laws of fashion.”
—Lytton Strachey“As soon as a fashion has caught on, it has outlived itself.”
—Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach (She’s probably my very favorite aphorist.)
Over the years, I’ve come up with a few of my own sartorial Secrets of Adulthood:
1) When something is unthinkably unfashionable, it can come into fashion.
For instance, this “secret” comes up with glasses frames. One day, oversized frames are super-fashionable; the next, they’re out and tiny frames are hot.2) Breaking a rule is interesting only when most people follow the rule.
When most people find it outrageous to wear white after Labor Day, it’s possible to arrest people’s attention by wearing white. When no one cares, the gesture isn’t meaningful.3) You can be a focus of attention without being a focus of interest.
Just because I’m looking twice at someone’s outfit doesn’t necessarily mean I admire it!
4) If you don’t like a pair of pants, don’t pay to get them hemmed.
Literally true, and metaphorically true. But I must admit, some people disagree with me on this one.5) When you clear out your closet, you’ll find that you have more to wear. Counter-intuitive, but try it. It’s true. When we get rid of everything that we don’t like, doesn’t fit, or doesn’t work, it’s so much easier to wear the clothes that remain.
My daughter Eleanor, who has a very strong sense of personal style, taught me a few of her style Secrets of Adulthood:
“If you’re thinking about buying something, ask yourself, ‘Would I admire it if I saw someone wearing it on the street or on the subway?’”
“Never underestimate the power of shoes to change an entire outfit.”
“I don’t believe that an outfit has to be comfortable, because sometimes you can truly ignore a little discomfort, but if you feel the need to shift or adjust a piece of clothing constantly, don’t wear it.”
When in doubt, I remind myself of one of my Personal Commandments: Be Gretchen.
That is, don’t dress for my fantasy-self; don’t forget what I know is true about me (such as: I can’t stand wearing high heels); remember that living in New York City means I may have to walk a mile at any moment; and I’m not good at arranging things like scarves. The more I dress for “Gretchen,” the happier I’ll be.
A friend of mine said this to me once and I cannot count how many times I have repeated it - ESPECIALLY when a pushy salesperson is hovering. This is my mantra when I'm trying on clothes - and find myself turning this way and that to see if I can make it work....
"If it's not a * Hell Yes! * then it's a * Hell No! *
I’m going to use your metaphor. I can think of several other purposes for “If you don’t like the jeans, don’t hem them.” Re #4. Thank you for sharing.